Dear Diary – possible reflections of some of those at the G8 meeting

The G8 meeting achieved nothing, despite the sense of crisis in the markets. The communiqué was bland and meant different things to different people. Below are what the leaders may well have really thought  about the summit.

Barack.  Re-election chances continue to drop – only 6 months to go. Have to say that Angela has some backbone, kept going with the German Nein all weekend long despite all of us ganging upon her to open her wallet. Played at being best buddies with Francois, the new boy in our club – it keeps David and Angela on their toes. Anyway he and I do have a lot in common, the rich should be paying a whole lot more towards getting us out of this mess, and it shouldn’t be the ordinary Joe who takes the hits all the time. Europe really worries me though – if it all blows up this summer, it could send our economy back into recession just about election time and I’ll be a very young ex-President.

Angela.  Re-election chances continue to drop – only 16 months to go. Well, that goes down as one of the most miserable weekends of my life. I know I’m still at the top of Barack’s European speed-dial, but it was horrible to watch him buttering up Francois. At heart though neither of them believe in balanced budgets and sound money like I do; they just want the money and public expenditure to keep on flowing and keep their supporters sweet. I am now only really left with David as a true right-of-centre ally in Europe; at least he is backing our drive for a political union as the best option to save the monetary union. Even so, he joined in with the others that Germany must spend lots of money we don’t have and let the ECB print and cause inflation – I was totally alone on this but stood my ground.

I thought it was a pretty smart idea to take 3 hours off from our discussions to watch the Champions League Final – it would be 3 hours not having to defend sound economic principles and a chance for Germans to show the football world how good we are (again) – but it didn’t work out. Bayern lost (on penalties – Germans never do that) and the symbolism was so awful – a team of foreign imports on huge salaries from the part of London inhabited by investment bankers, managed to overcome the bulk of the German national team, who were so strong, courageous and disciplined, and from Munich, the most successful centre of the German export industry. Worst of all that photo of us all watching the game has gone viral thanks to Twitter.

David. Re-election chances starting to drop – though still have 36 months to go. Politics is a rum old game. Who would have thought that a British Conservative Prime Minister would be telling the nations of Europe that their best (and only) hope was to move toward a full-on political union led by Germany? Yet George keeps on telling me that really is the best hope for our economy until the next election. Maybe, but it would be terrible for Britain’s influence with the US and China if Europe was truly one country with an elected President. I really can’t see it happening though, but I just don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing. That photo should do me the world of good with all the ordinary footy supporters in the country though – not many Posh Boys really like association football. Like Angela I had to be grovel a bit to Francois.

Francois. Chances in the parliamentary elections in 4 weeks definitely on the up. Life is amazing right now. Two weeks I was M. Normal, a French Socialist leader that had never had responsibility for anything in my life except for other Socialists, and now the President of the United States of America is telling me and the others what wonderfully interesting ideas I have. Also quite a nice feeling for Angela and David to have to be extra nice to me right now – I shall make good use of that back home in the next few weeks ahead of the elections.

Mario. Politicians are so transparent, always worrying about their election prospects.

Vladimir. Why are these guys so afraid of elections? Everyone’s beating up on Angela. I reckon she needs a good friend like me, and then just maybe we can get Germany to see Russia as their best European ally, instead of always looking westward.

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